Without order nothing can exist without chaos nothing can evolve

Really life has been nothing but amazing for me. I couldn't have a better one than what I have now. I have amazing friends and a best friend who is beyond amazing. I have a handsome and wonderful boyfriend, who is the entire world to me and I never wanna live without him. He is my solid rock and will be forever more, the best thing that has ever happened to me. I think its fair to say that everyone knows I am completely content with him and that nothing can come between us. Nope, not birdbitch/cunt, not other people or things, NOTHING. I love the school I'm at and I love the classes I'm taking so far and I love my mother and father sooo much. I wish my mother were getting better but thats alright. She's a fighter and thats all I can ask of her to do.

There are some people I will pray for who will learn that some shit you just can't understand. And maybe one day, karma will strike again and ruin their lives. Not only that, they'll be begging for forgiveness and begging for another chance. You know who you are **cough cough the trio faggssss and another certain person** You will regret EVERYTHING that you've done and I will just laugh at you for being the faggots that you are and make you eat shit before ever becoming friends with you again. You've had your one chance and though i've done NOTHING to you four, you are certainly NEVER getting another chance with me or Matthew. 'NOW YOU FUCKED UP!!'~Abe Lincoln.

i love my life so far. and i know things will only get better from here

screw louisville

A To Z

A - Avail​able - i choose to be alone

B - Best - Friends- Timmychan/Jenni/Wes/Mer

C - Crush​ - my sister, she must be put down!

D - Dad'​​​s Name - steve

E - Easie​st Perso​n To Talk To - Timmy/Jenni/Wes

F - Favor​ite Band - alkaline trio, avenged sevenfold, SOAD

G - Gummy​ Bears​ Or Worms​ - both are quite good

H - Homet​own - Lou'Evil, KY

I - Instr​ument​ - vocal, piano

J - Job - maybe taco hell/KFC

K - Kids - perhaps.
in a 234729384796 years

L - Longe​st Car Ride - umm....that i can think of? to the gray

M - Milk Flavo​r - i'm a soy person

N - Numbe​r Of Sibli​ngs - 4 (3 bros, 1 hellish sis)

O - One Wish - to get out of the ville.

​
P - Phobi​as - can't think of any. oh bunnies.


Q - Favor​ite Quote​ - It seems strange that my life should end in such a terrible place, but for three years I had roses and apologized to no one. I shall die here. Every inch of me shall perish. Every inch, but one. An inch. It is small and it is fragile and it is the only thing in the world worth having. We must never lose it or give it away. We must NEVER let them take it from us. I hope that whoever you are, you escape this place. I hope that the worlds turns, and that things get better. But what I hope most of all is that you understand what I mean when I tell you that, even though I do not know you, and even though I may never meet you, laugh with you, cry with you, or kiss you, I love you. With all my heart, I love you. Valerie.
-v for vendetta

R - Reaso​n To Smile​ - knowing i'll be home one day.


S - Song You Last Heard​ - From Autumn To Ashes - Autumn's Monologue

T - Time You Woke Up -​ around 6:30am

U - Unkno​wn Fact About​ Me - i'm trying to change everything about myself

V - Veget​able - green beans w/ bacon and onion

W - Worst​ Habit​s - smoking cigarettes, drinking, saying no.


X - X-​​​Rays You'​​​ve Had - my lower back

Y - Your Favor​ite Food - sushi

Z - Zoo anima​l-​​ penguins

i need to find something to calm me down. i dont know whats wrong with me maybe i'm just excited to go back hom ebut at the same time i'm feeling strange. like my body is rejecting nearly everything at once. i just tried to eat some food but i ended up throwing it all up and it was horrible. i....blarhg i dont know.

a good weekend just past. i miss my friends though. i got to see timmychan, thack, and candace. met bill bill and sarah. and a few other great people. i miss that place so much <3 this upcoming weekend though will be the shit. i'm so ready for it honestly i really am but i dont want to be here in the ville for long. i hope it goes by really fast. i want to go back to the house and be there for timmy. hes a good guy he really is. one of my best guy friends. and believe me i dont have many of those anymore. *le sigh* i'll deal though. i still have my friends here. though there are some who are out of state who i miss terribly. anyway so.... i miss you guys and if you ever want to hang out or talk give me a call. i'm only a call or text away <3 502-408-6629

so this weekend was alright. i decided to just chill and call into work on sunday. i wasn't feeling well and i'm still not feeling well these days. i can officiall say that this weekend was better than most. i got two letters from sammy, equaling to 30 pages, along with another one the next day about 10-15 (i think), and i got a call from him on sunday. so it was a great weekend i believe. though i'm sick still and my stomach is literally rejecting everything i eat. so thats never good. but i'm going to be quiting my job soon. i can't handle the stress of school and work. i just can't. so i'm going to settle for working for my mom, and cleaning the house again. i'll just save up that way. i can do that. work is shit anyway and with the holidays happening, i dont want to miss out. plus with sammy coming home, if i quit work i'll be able to go to leitchfield on weekends, at least some and what not. i'll be able to do so much more with out worrying. ya know? i'm burned out. i thought a job is what i needed but i was wrong. it only causes me to stress out and fail at school. so thats not going to work. i'm going to be putting in my two weeks notice in soon and after that, who knows where i'll end up. maybe i can work on my resume and that way when i move, i'll have a better chance at shit. i can't stay here forever and i certainly can't handle this school. i got to see jenni this weekend too. i miss her a lot and it was fantastic seeing her again. god halloween is coming steadily closer. i'm so happy. blarrghhh it needs to come faster. but still its only 1 1/2 more weeks. blah! i gotta finish sammy's letter! craaaaappp!!!

Natural Hair Color:
[x] Brown - $100
[x] Blond - $50
[] Black - $15
[] Bald - $5

--And every day begins the same
Get up, go out, come back gain
Same old, same old

A thousand faces pass you by
You never look into their eyes

You feel so ordinary
They feel so ordinary

Hey
Everybody's someone
No matter where you come from
there's light in every single star
You're more than who you think you are
And hey
Everybody's someone
And when it's hard to hold on
Remember you are not alone
This house is everybody's home

And every day we seem to chase
The perfect smile, the perfect face
Same old, same old
Same old

For every one who gets to shine
A million more are left behind
They feel so ordinary
You feel so ordinary

Hey
Everybody's someone
No matter where you come from
there's light in every single star
You're more than who you think you are
And hey
Everybody's someone
And when it's hard to hold on
Remember you are not alone
This house is everybody's home

From a king to a common man
We're all part of a greater plan
Oh
There's light in every single star
You're more than who you think you are
Hey
Everybody's someone
When it's hard to hold on
Remember you are not alone
This house is everybody's home--

good lord i guess you could call it commmissions but its not for drawing. i guess its just work really. but i was knitting today outside before keyboarding class, and this woman who works here asked me how much i charge for making scarfs and i said around 15$ and she asked me to do a yellow and black one. so theres one! and then my friend susan asked me to do a neon colored one with pink and a purple one for her, said she'd pay me 20$ for each one! holy shit!!!!! nobody has ever asked me to do anything for them before. i'm so happy! that just makes me happy that someone wants something i can offer. and to pay me is just a blessing.

i'm just counting down the days of halloween. i dont think i've looked forward to something so much in my entire life. i can't wait to see sammy again i'm so excited. and i'm nearly done with his welcome home gift ^^ god school is going to be the death of me one day. i swears it is. but i'm trying to do stuff that i enjoy more. this friday and saturday i'm off work. i plan on going ice skating soon. going to try and get my friends to go with me. i love to do this. and i wanna share my happiness with them.

another boring paper thats gotta be 15 pages long, not including title or ref. pages. so i have no idea what i'm going to write about. shit. maybe i should pick a company problem or some problem of my own or whatever. i hate this, i need a topic help!

lately i havne't been up to much. school started again and i'm well caught up with shit. since i have to take Key 105 again and accounting 3 but its alright. i deserved that. though i'm still surprised that i passed College algebra. i mean i didn't even take the fucking final and i still got outta it. wow. guess asians really can't fail math XDD just kidding. anyway so i have those two to make up this semester and i also have comp two which i'm not too fond of mainly cause i have a 15 page paper to write. but if i can manage a 27 page letter, front and back, to sammy i think i can handle a 15 page paper on any topic i want. it just has to be APA style. which really sucks. but i still dont know what to write about again. i wanna write something i'm passionate about and something thats also new. so who knows what'll happen. i got another letter today from sammy, well tech. it was last night but regardless. it was cool. 20 pages! i love his letters! they're awesome. i can't wait to see him when he comes home. i'll be gone for halloween weekend, regardless if work lets me go or not. i don't care at all at this point. work is work granted but i'm not going to miss this opportunity to see sammy and welcome him home. i'm so excited. thats really the only thing i've got going for me these days. school is going well so far. im' not cutting classes either this semester. i learned my mistake on that and i'm not skipping accounting 3 at all. not if i can help it. i really wanna pass and i'll do what ihave to to get through it. even if it is with a lousy 'C' again. i dont care. blarrgh accounting is just not my thing, thank god i didn't choose it for a major. Business management will suit me just fine. well class is over. and now i gotta get some books for comp 2 and write sammy back. i love his letters. i cant' wait to see him again. uncle tom has given me so much crap for it XDD in a good way of course.

you never know how good something is till its gone. taking things for granted. been hearing that a lot lately.

i found myself lying on the road a few blocks down from my house and looking at the sky. and i thought:

Who am i?

Why am i even considered?


Who the fucking helll am i? i dont even know. i thought i did. but i feel like nothing but a lie.

what would happen if i just fell of the face of the earth? tell me what would you do?

i've been told that i need more relaxation in my life and all i have to say is that i dont have time for it. all i wanna do is be there for my friends. i know they'd do the same for me. i love you guys. and i know things will get better for you. i will do whatever i can to help you guys.

i'll be able to relax when school is over..

this is week isn't my week. why can't i get motivated enough to do what i need to do..

i got a job today...

theres not much to say. i got wasted on friday and regret it a bit. cause now i feel like ball of pain tumbling down the windy deserted pathway. jenni left for school and i desperately miss her. i have an interview with Michael's Craft. I'm thinking of going over to dustin's and saying hi. haven't seen him much lately. 5HTP is wat i need now a days. im never actually happy.

school is going to hell... i'm sooooo stressed for time and need to stop procrastinating. accounting 3 is whipping my ass completely and i'm getting sick... literally. my body is like "FUCK YOU! feed me, take care of me!" i'm trying, but not hard enough apparently. i can't eat shit like i used to be. and because of that, my body is shutting down... maybe i need to drop some shit off my plate... i'm tired of school guys really i am... i can't take much more of it and i'm trying so desparately to find a job and its not working out very well. a long with the fact i wish i could drop outta school just for a while, but then means no insurance for my bp or for my smoking aid. i wanna crawl into a cave and die... i'm tired of just about everything. my best friend is leaving on friday...i'm tired of feeling alone... i know everyone has their own problems and thats why i need therapy.. so badly... i hear my bed calling me name... i wanna sleep for 10 years and then wake up to a changed place. but then again the world will only seep deeper to hell. eh least i have a seat saved for me